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STAR WARS OUTLAWS: UBISOFT'S "SORRY WE FUCKED UP" GIFT IS AS USEFUL AS A CHOCOLATE TEAPOT
Looks like Ubisoft's latest foray into the galaxy far, far away has hit a snag bigger than the Death Star's exhaust port. Star Wars Outlaws, the game that promised to let you live out your space scoundrel fantasies, has instead delivered a masterclass in how to piss off your most loyal fans.
INZOI: THE SIMS KILLER WITH REAL-WORLD OBJECT SCANNING
Shit just got real. Or unreal. (See what I did there?) Or maybe both? inZOI, the upcoming life sim from the PUBG folks at Krafton, is about to make The Sims look like it was coded on an abacus.
STEAM SALES: what to expect before the end of the year?
As we hurtle towards the end of the year like a runaway freight train, Valve's got a lineup of sales that'll have you throwing money at your screen faster than a Silicon Valley startup burning through venture capital.
REMEDY AND ANNAPURNA JOIN FORCES: CONTROL 2 CO-FINANCING AND crossmedia content
Remedy Entertainment and Annapurna have announced a partnership that's more exciting than finding an extra chicken nugget in your 10-piece meal. The Finnish game dev powerhouse and the indie film darling are teaming up to bring us more Control, more Alan Wake, and enough crossmedia content to make even the MCU jealous.
FALLOUT CLASSICS FREE ON EPIC: POST-APOCALYPTIC NOSTALGIA FOR US BROKE GAMERS
Epic Games is at it again, throwing free shit at us like a Deathclaw on a rampage. This time, they're serving up the Fallout Classic Collection on a silver platter until September 5th. That's right, you cheap bastards – three games for the low, low price of absolutely fucking nothing.
BLACK MYTH: WUKONG XBOX DELAY - SONY'S EXCLUSIVE MONKEY BUSINESS
Looks like the monkey king's gotten himself tangled in some corporate vines. Black Myth: Wukong, the game that's been making PCs sweat harder than a nun in a brothel, is apparently delayed on Xbox due to Sony waving their exclusivity wand. Who'd have fucking thought?
ASTRO BOT TROPHY LIST REVEALED: PREPARE YOUR THUMBS FOR CARPAL TUNNEL
Sony's favorite little robot mascot is back, and this time he's brought enough trophies to make even the most hardcore achievement hunter weep tears of joy (or frustration, depending on how much of a masochist you are).
KONAMI TEASES METAL GEAR SOLID 4 REMASTER: PREPARE YOUR BODY FOR 8-HOUR CUTSCENES
Well, well, well. Look who's decided to crawl out of their pachinko-filled cave and throw us Metal Gear fans a bone. Konami, the company that's been treating the Metal Gear franchise like a redheaded stepchild since Kojima's departure, is now teasing Metal Gear Solid 4 for modern consoles. Hold onto your nanomachines, folks!
BUNGIE EXEC FIRED FOR BEING A CREEPY BASTARD: SHOCKING ABSOLUTELY NO ONE
Well, well, well. Looks like another big shot in the gaming industry couldn't keep it in his pants. Chris Barrett, the hotshot director behind Halo, Destiny, and the upcoming Marathon, has been shown the door at Bungie faster than you can say "inappropriate workplace behavior."
SAM LAKE CELEBRATES 5 YEARS OF CONTROL: WEIRD SHIT STILL REIGNS SUPREME
Well, well, well. Look who's feeling nostalgic. Sam Lake, the mad genius behind Remedy Entertainment, has taken to Twitter to stroke his own ego about Control's fifth birthday. And you know what? He's fucking earned it.
BALDUR'S GATE 3: LARIAN PREPARES TO set OFF INTO THE SUNSET
Well, well, well. It looks like the mad bastards at Larian Studios are finally ready to put Baldur's Gate 3 to bed. After countless patches, bear-fucking incidents, and enough sass from Shadowheart to fill a small ocean, the devs are gearing up for one last hurrah before they ride off into the sunset.
CONCORD: WHEN 8 YEARS OF DEVELOPMENT MEETS 697 PLAYERS
Well, shit. Looks like Sony's latest attempt to capture the multiplayer market has crashed and burned harder than a drunk pilot trying to land on an aircraft carrier. Concord, the sci-fi shooter that took a whopping 8 years to develop, has managed to attract a staggering... 697 concurrent players on Steam. That's not a typo, folks. Six-hundred-ninety-fucking-seven.
JASON BLUNDELL JOINS FORCES WITH BUNGIE: cod ZOMBIES founder TACKLES SCI-FI
Well, well, well. Looks like the zombie master himself, Jason Blundell, is trading in his undead hordes for some space magic. The man who brought us Call of Duty's mind-bending Zombies mode has apparently gotten tired of the smell of rotting flesh and decided to take a shower in stardust instead.
MIKA AND THE WITCH'S MOUNTAIN REVIEW - DELIVERING PACKAGES AND STEALING HEARTS
Forget everything you thought you knew about magical delivery services. Mika and the Witch's Mountain drop-kicks those notions into the stratosphere with the force of a caffeinated dragon. It's as if someone took Kiki's Delivery Service, strapped it to a rocket, and blasted it through a rainbow made of pure adrenaline. This game snorts pixie dust for breakfast and washes it down with a gallon of liquid chaos, creating a concoction of whimsy and insanity that'll leave you higher than a witch's hat on Halloween.
JUST CROW THINGS REVIEW - FEATHERED MAYHEM MEETS AVIAN ADHD
Just Crow Things swoops into the indie game scene like a caffeinated corvid on a mission, bringing more chaos than a flock of seagulls at a beachside picnic. This feathered fever dream from the twisted minds behind Rain on Your Parade proves once again that sometimes, the best way to make a game is to take a simple concept, inject it with pure madness, and let it loose on an unsuspecting world.
ENDZONE 2 REVIEW - WHEN ANNO MEETS MAD MAX
Endzone 2 crash lands into the Early Access wasteland like a drunken courier with a package marked "Handle With Care." This sequel to the original post-apocalyptic city builder cranks everything up to 11, throwing in enough new features to make your radiation-addled brain melt faster than Chernobyl's reactor core.
GALAXY BURGER REVIEW - SLINGING SPACE SLOP ACROSS THE COSMOS
Galaxy Burger flings you into the greasiest corners of the universe, arming you with nothing but a spatula and a dream. This pixel-art fever dream of a cooking sim serves up a heaping helping of nostalgia, drizzled with enough alien weirdness to make you question the sanity of intergalactic health inspectors.
SHAPEZ 2 review - THE FACTORY MUST GROW (AND TWIST, AND TURN, AND...)
Shapez 2 is about to take you on a wild ride through the candy-colored hallways of automation heaven. This sequel cranks everything up to 11, transforming the 2D puzzler into a 3D mindfuck that'll have you questioning reality.
STARGROUND review - FACTORIO'S BASTARD CHILD WITH A ROGUELITE FETISH
Starground crash lands into the early access scene like a drunken space trucker, promising a mash-up of automation and dungeon crawling that nobody asked for but everyone secretly wanted. This unholy union of genres manages to be both addictive and frustrating, much like that ex you keep drunk-dialing at 2 AM.
AMBER ALERT REVIEW - BODYCAM HORROR MEETS DUMPSTER FIRE
Amber Alert lures you in with promises of intense bodycam horror, then proceeds to shit the bed harder than a drunk frat boy after taco night. Strap in, because this indie "horror" game is about to take you on a ride bumpier than a shopping cart with square wheels.