STAR WARS OUTLAWS: UBISOFT'S "SORRY WE FUCKED UP" GIFT IS AS USEFUL AS A CHOCOLATE TEAPOT
Looks like Ubisoft's latest foray into the galaxy far, far away has hit a snag bigger than the Death Star's exhaust port. Star Wars Outlaws, the game that promised to let you live out your space scoundrel fantasies, has instead delivered a masterclass in how to piss off your most loyal fans.
THE GREAT SAVE GAME MASSACRE OF 2024
Picture this: You've just dropped more than a hundred bucks on the Gold Edition, because who doesn't want to play a game early and feel special? You've sunk hours into exploring every nook and cranny of the Outer Rim, probably even named your ship something clever like "The Millennium Falcon't." Then BAM! Ubisoft drops a patch that basically says, "Oops, our bad. Start over, loser."
UBISOFT'S IDEA OF A CONSOLATION PRIZE
In a move that's about as comforting as a hug from Darth Vader, Ubisoft's offering affected players a "Trailblazer trinket" and 100 Ubisoft Connect Units. Wow, thanks Ubisoft! That's almost as valuable as a pile of Bantha poodoo. Players who lost 15+ hours of progress are surely thrilled to receive what essentially amounts to a digital participation trophy and some monopoly money.
PLAYERS' REACTIONS: A SYMPHONY OF RAGE
The Star Wars community is taking this about as well as you'd expect. Reddit user 00schneider summed it up nicely: "I lost 15 hours of progress... Yes, the compensation for it is laughable." Others are eyeing their consoles with the suspicion usually reserved for a Sith Lord at a Jedi picnic, afraid to update lest they lose their hard-earned progress.
THE FORCE IS NOT STRONG WITH THIS ONE
Let's be real: This is a clusterfuck of galactic proportions. Ubisoft's handling of this situation is about as smooth as a Stormtrooper trying to hit a target. They've managed to turn their early access period – you know, the thing people paid extra for – into a beta test nightmare.
So there you have it, folks. Star Wars Outlaws: Come for the space adventure, stay for the save game roulette. May the Force be with you, because Ubisoft's quality assurance sure isn't.