BLACK MYTH: WUKONG XBOX DELAY - SONY'S EXCLUSIVE MONKEY BUSINESS

Looks like the monkey king's gotten himself tangled in some corporate vines. Black Myth: Wukong, the game that's been making PCs sweat harder than a nun in a brothel, is apparently delayed on Xbox due to Sony waving their exclusivity wand. Who'd have fucking thought?

TECH ISSUES MY ASS

Remember those rumors about memory leaks and bug detection fails on Xbox? Yeah, turns out that was about as real as my chances of dating Scarlett Johansson. Our source, who's apparently not talking out of their ass, says there's no tech issue reported to Xbox. It's all just smoke and mirrors to hide Sony's sneaky deal.

SONY'S SILENT TREATMENT

Here's the kicker: neither Sony nor Game Science have said jack shit about this exclusivity arrangement. It's like they're playing a corporate game of "I've got a secret" and we're all just sitting here with our thumbs up our asses. Real classy, guys.

XBOX'S DISAPPEARING ACT

Eagle-eyed fans first smelled something fishy when the Xbox Series X|S logo pulled a Houdini from the Black Myth: Wukong trailer during Summer Game Fest. Game Science tried to feed us some bullshit about "optimizing" the Xbox version. Yeah, and I'm "optimizing" my chances of winning the lottery by not buying tickets.

MICROSOFT'S PR BULLSHIT

Microsoft, in true corporate fashion, released a statement that says absolutely fucking nothing. "We're excited for the launch," they say. Well, no shit. I'm excited for world peace and a billion dollars, but that doesn't mean it's happening anytime soon.

THE GAME'S STILL KICKING ASS

Despite all this corporate fuckery, Black Myth: Wukong is doing just fine. It's pushed Steam to 37 million concurrent players and sold 10 million copies in three days. Not too shabby for a game about a monkey with a stick.

So there you have it, folks. Another day, another example of big gaming companies playing silly buggers with release dates and platforms. Meanwhile, PC players are happily frying their GPUs trying to run this beast of a game. Ain't capitalism grand?