SWITCH 2 JOY-CONS LEAKED: NOW WITH MORE BUTTONS TO EVENTUALLY DRIFT

Ever wondered what the next generation of Joy-Con drift might look like? Well, some blurry photos from a Chinese social media user named 马里奥68 might have the answer. The alleged Switch 2 Joy-Con images look about as clear as my vision after a 12-hour gaming marathon.

WHAT'S NEW IN BLUR-O-VISION

Our mysterious leaker, who probably works harder at hiding their identity than Nintendo does at fixing drift issues, shows off what they claim are the next generation of Nintendo's handheld controllers. The images reveal larger SL and SR buttons, IR cameras, and a mysterious back button that looks like a pedal. Because apparently, regular buttons weren't enough anymore.

THE NEW FEATURES NOBODY ASKED FOR

The addition of a pedal-like button on the back is interesting. It's like Nintendo looked at their controllers and thought, "You know what this needs? More things that could potentially break!" At least it'll give us something new to complain about when the drift inevitably kicks in.

GRAIN OF SALT SO BIG IT NEEDS ITS OWN ZIP CODE

Remember folks, this leak comes from bilibili, where the user's name literally translates to "Mario68." That's about as reliable as my promises to stop buying games during Steam sales. The images are so thoroughly blurred, they could be showing anything from actual Joy-Cons to somebody's fancy garage door opener.

WHAT IT MEANS FOR YOUR WALLET

If these leaks are real, we're looking at potentially more complex Joy-Cons for the Switch 2. And we all know what that means: your wallet is about to become lighter than your faith in leak sources. Start saving now, because these bad boys probably won't come cheap.