Steam Autumn Sale 2024: Empty Your Wallet and Fill Your Library
Steam sales hit different when your bank account is already crying. Gabe Newell's discount circus is back in town, and this time it's bringing deals that'll make your credit card melt faster than a GPU in Cyberpunk 2077's launch week.
THE BIG SHIT
Baldur's Gate 3 sits at €47.99 with a 20% discount. Sure, it's still expensive, but considering you can romance a bear and overthrow the mind flayer illuminati, it's worth skipping a few meals for.
Cyberpunk 2077 got chopped down by 55% to €26.99. Now that the game actually functions and V keeps their clothes on during important conversations, it's a solid deal. Throw Phantom Liberty in there at €23.99, and you've got enough neon-soaked mayhem to last until the next corporate war.
ROBBERY-LEVEL DEALS
Hogwarts Legacy dropped to €17.99 with a 70% cut. That's cheaper than a proper wand at Universal Studios, and this one actually does shit.
Red Dead Redemption 2 is begging for attention at €19.79. Arthur Morgan's entire emotional journey costs less than a cheap pair of cowboy boots, and you don't have to worry about horse shit on your carpet.
FUCKING STEALS
Black Desert at 99 cents? The devs are basically paying you to take it at this point.
Kingdom Come: Deliverance for €2.99 is medieval grand theft. There's enough content here to keep you busy until the next plague hits.
Far Cry 5 at €5.99 lets you liberate virtual Montana for less than a real American burger.
SIMULAte it
Euro Truck Simulator 2 dropped to €4.99. All the joys of long-haul trucking without the hemorrhoids.
Train Sim World 5 rolls in at €29.24. Sure, you could buy a model train, or you could drive every train ever made without clearing out your garage.
STRATEGY GOLD
Hearts of Iron IV at €14.99 lets you fuck up World War II in ways that would make historians cry themselves to sleep.
Crusader Kings III costs €14.99 now. Create a dynasty so fucked up it makes the Lannisters look like the Brady Bunch.
RPG MADNESS
Star Wars Jedi: Survivor got butchered down to €17.49. Cal Kestis's daddy issues have never been more affordable.
Sekiro at €29.99 is a bargain if you enjoy dying more times than your PC's restart count.
THE NEW SHIT
Helldivers 2 rocks a 20% discount at €31.99. Kill bugs, spread democracy, accidentally nuke your teammates - everything's better with friends.
Manor Lords tempts your inner feudal lord at €27.99. Build a medieval empire and probably catch the plague while you're at it.
HARDWARE CORNER
Steam Deck's got a 15% slice off at €313.65. It's basically a handheld PC that lets you play Doom while pretending to work on spreadsheets.
CONCLUSION
The Steam Autumn Sale is going harder than a rage quitter's keyboard slam. From AAA bangers to indie darlings, your library's about to get thicker than a Dark Souls boss health bar.
Time to make some financially questionable decisions and blame them on temporary insanity. These deals are basically games doing a prison break, and you're the getaway driver.