XBOX GAME PASS: SEPTEMBER'S LINEUP IS A MIXED BAG OF TRUCKS, GODS, AND TRAINS
Xbox Game Pass is kicking off September with a lineup that's about as coherent as a drunk gamer trying to explain the plot of Kingdom Hearts. From truck driving in space to mythological warfare, this month's offerings are a grab bag of genres that'll either excite you or leave you scratching your head.
STAR TRUCKER: SPACE TRUCKIN' AIN'T EASY
Available now, Star Trucker lets you live out your dream of being a long-haul trucker... in space. Because apparently, the final frontier needed more CB radios and truck stops. Haul cargo, scavenge for parts, and probably listen to some space country music while you're at it.
AGE OF MYTHOLOGY: RETOLD - GODS, MONSTERS, AND OUTDATED GRAPHICS
Coming September 4th, this remaster of the classic RTS game brings mythological warfare to a new generation. Command gods, monsters, and humans in epic battles that'll make you question why Zeus can't just smite everyone and be done with it.
EXPEDITIONS: A MUDRUNNER GAME - FOR WHEN YOU HATE PAVED ROADS
Launching September 5th, this off-road adventure game lets you lead scientific expeditions through terrain that'll make your SUV cry. Perfect for those who think roads are for wimps and mud is a food group.
RIDERS REPUBLIC - EXTREME SPORTS FOR EXTREME MASOCHISTS
Hit the slopes, trails, and skies on September 11th in this massive multiplayer playground. Bike, ski, snowboard, or wingsuit your way through U.S. national parks, because nothing says "respect nature" like shredding it on a snowboard.
TRAIN SIM WORLD 5 - CHOO CHOO, MOTHERFUCKERS
Arriving September 17th, this train simulation game lets you live out your wildest fantasies of being a train conductor. Experience the thrill of staying on schedule and the agony of signal failures. It's like real life, but with less angry commuters.
THE BOTTOM LINE
This month's Game Pass lineup is like a buffet where the chef was high: There's something for everyone, but it doesn't make a lick of sense together. From space trucking to mythological warfare to extreme sports, Xbox is casting a wide net and hoping something sticks.
At least they're keeping things interesting. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go drive a truck through ancient Greece while doing a backflip on a snowboard. Because that's apparently what gaming is now.