UBOAT review: WHEN DAS BOOT MEETS SPREADSHEETS
UBOAT dives deep into the treacherous waters of World War II submarine simulation, offering an experience that's as immersive as it is complex. This isn't just another war game – it's a full-blown submarine life simulator that will have you questioning if you've accidentally signed up for a naval academy course. (I hope we are atleast on the winning side)
DIVE, DIVE, DIVE: GAMEPLAY THAT'S DEEPER THAN THE MARIANA TRENCH
At its core, UBOAT is a meticulous recreation of life aboard a German U-boat during WWII. You're not just the captain; you're the puppet master of an entire crew, micromanaging everything from torpedo calculations to the goddamn bathroom schedule. It's like The Sims, if The Sims was set in a tin can of death under the Atlantic.
The attention to detail is staggering. Want to plot a torpedo course? Better break out your protractor and abacus. Need to surface? Hope you remembered to pressurize the ballast tanks, or you'll be playing submarine pinata with depth charges. It's a game that rewards patience and punishes impatience with the cold, unforgiving embrace of Davy Jones' locker.
GRAPHICS AND SOUND: FROM PERISCOPE TO MICROSCOPE
Visually, UBOAT is a mixed bag of fish. The submarine interior is lovingly crafted, with every gauge, lever, and cramped bunk meticulously modeled. You can almost smell the sweat and diesel. The exterior views, however, can sometimes look like they were rendered on a potato – a very waterlogged potato.
Sound design is where UBOAT really shines. The ping of sonar, the creaking of the hull under pressure, the muffled curses of your crew as they fumble in the dark – it's all there, creating an atmosphere so tense you could cut it with a rusty butter knife.
CREW MANAGEMENT: HERDING CATS IN A SARDINE CAN
Managing your crew is like trying to organize a frat party in a phone booth. Each sailor has their own skills, quirks, and tendency to go batshit insane when submerged for too long. You'll spend as much time managing their mental health as you will dodging depth charges. It's engaging, but can sometimes feel like you're babysitting a bunch of armed toddlers.
MISSIONS AND CAMPAIGNS: MORE VARIETY THAN A GERMAN SAUSAGE PLATTER
UBOAT offers a smorgasbord of missions and campaigns that'll keep you busy longer than the actual Battle of the Atlantic. From stalking convoys to laying mines to rescuing downed pilots, there's always something to do. The dynamic campaign system ensures that no two patrols are alike, unless you're particularly shit at your job and keep getting sunk in the same spot.
REALISM VS FUN: A DELICATE BALANCE
The game walks a tightrope between mind-numbing realism and actual enjoyment. On one hand, the level of detail is impressive enough to make actual submariners nod in approval. On the other hand, sometimes you just want to torpedo something without having to calculate the ship's zodiac sign and shoe size.
Thankfully, UBOAT offers extensive customization options. You can tweak everything from crew AI to combat difficulty, allowing you to tailor the experience from "Das Boot" to "Down Periscope" depending on your masochistic tendencies.
BUGS AND QUIRKS: MORE FEATURES THAN A SWISS ARMY KNIFE
Being a complex simulation, UBOAT comes with its fair share of bugs and quirks. Sometimes your crew will decide to take a coffee break in the middle of a depth charge attack. Other times, you might find yourself accidentally teleporting into the Atlantic. It's all part of the charm, really.
THE VERDICT: TO DIVE OR NOT TO DIVE
UBOAT is not for the faint of heart or short of patience. It's a deep, complex, and sometimes frustrating experience that demands time and dedication. But for those willing to put in the effort, it offers one of the most comprehensive and rewarding submarine simulations available.
Is it perfect? Fuck no. Is it an impressive piece of work that will suck hours of your life away faster than a whirlpool? Absolutely.
Final Score: 8 out of 10
UBOAT is like that eccentric history professor you had in college – brilliant, fascinating, but sometimes so caught up in the details that you wonder if you've accidentally signed up for a PhD. It's a game that will either have you captivated for hundreds of hours or reaching for the nearest lifeboat within minutes. Either way, it's an experience you won't forget.
We at NLM received a key for this game for free, this however didn't impact our review in any way.