RTX 5090 STOCK SITUATION: WHEN "PAPER LAUNCH" MEETS "PAPER WEIGHT"

Ever wondered what it would be like if Nvidia made their graphics cards rarer than a politician telling the truth? Well wonder no more, because the RTX 5090 is about to make the crypto mining crisis look like a surplus sale at Best Buy.

AVAILABILITY? MORE LIKE UNAVAILABILITY

According to various industry sources, Nvidia's upcoming RTX 5090 and 5080 launch is shaping up to be about as accessible as a teenager's diary. PowerGPU, among others, is warning that the first three months of availability will make you question if these cards actually exist outside of Jensen's leather jacket collection.

THE AI ATE MY HOMEWORK

Unlike the RTX 30 series shortage, which was mostly thanks to crypto bros turning their bedrooms into miniature power plants, this time it's the AI industry hoarding all the good silicon like a dragon sitting on its treasure. Turns out when you're competing with tech companies willing to throw endless cash at AI servers, gamers end up pretty low on the priority list.

MEANWHILE, AT AMD...

While Nvidia's playing hard to get, AMD's over here managing to miss an open goal by delaying their RDNA 4 launch to March. It's like watching someone trip over their own feet while their opponent is actively running in the wrong direction. Some AIB partners are already jumping ship faster than rats from a burning GPU warehouse, with MSI leading the exodus.

THE PRODUCTION COMEDY

The cherry on top? Mass production of these cards apparently didn't start until the first week of this year. It's like starting to bake a wedding cake while the bride is walking down the aisle – technically possible, but probably not the best plan.

THE BOTTOM LINE

If you're planning to grab an RTX 5090 or 5080 at launch, you might have better luck finding Bigfoot riding a unicorn while playing Half-Life 3. The combination of AI industry demand, delayed production, and Nvidia's traditionally "fantastic" launch planning suggests we're in for a shortage that'll make the crypto crisis feel like a minor inconvenience.

But hey, at least we can all look forward to those lovely "OUT OF STOCK" buttons becoming the new standard in web design. Maybe they'll even add RGB to them – it'll be the only way most of us get to see any new graphics card lighting effects for a while.