Inn Tycoon Review: Where Watching Paint Dry Meets Medieval Hospitality
Ah, Inn Tycoon, the game that answers the age-old question: "What if we made a management sim, but removed most of the management?" Strap on your lute and don your best "I'd like to speak to the tavern keeper" haircut, because we're diving into the thrilling world of medieval hospitality.
Ambiance: Cozy AF
Let's start with the positives, shall we? This game is cozier than a hobbit hole on a rainy day. The graphics are adorable, like someone took a Renaissance fair and shrunk it down to fit in your pocket. The music? It's so soothing you might just slip into a mead-induced coma. It's the perfect game to play while you're waiting for your microwave dinner to finish or your life to have meaning.
Gameplay: As Deep as a Puddle in the Sahara
Now, onto the gameplay. Remember when you were a kid and you'd set up your toys and then just... look at them? Congratulations, you've basically mastered Inn Tycoon. The game's depth is about as profound as a tweet from a reality TV star.
You'll start off building your inn with all the excitement of someone filling out their tax returns. Place a table here, a bed there, hire some staff who seem to have the collective IQ of a turnip, and voila! You're an innkeeper. The strategy involved is about as complex as deciding whether to have toast or cereal for breakfast.
Progression: Slower Than a Snail on Sedatives
As you "progress" through the game (and I use that term loosely), you'll unlock new items at a pace that makes continental drift look zippy. Want to upgrade your inn? Hope you like waiting! The game's progression system is tied to leveling up, which happens about as frequently as a solar eclipse.
The "Set It and Forget It" Simulator
Once you've got your inn set up, you can sit back and watch your little medieval dolls go about their day. It's like The Sims, if The Sims was designed by someone with narcolepsy. Your staff will do all the work, leaving you to the thrilling task of... collecting tips. Manually. Every. Five. Minutes. It's about as engaging as watching grass grow, but with less dramatic plot twists.
Conclusion: A Nap in Game Form
Look, if your idea of a good time is something that requires less mental engagement than blinking, Inn Tycoon might just be your jam. It's perfect for those moments when you want to play a game, but also don't want to play a game. It's the gaming equivalent of a screensaver.
Is it bad? Not really. Is it good? Well, that depends on how much you enjoy the concept of interactive wallpaper. It's relaxing, it's pretty, and it's about as demanding as a pet rock.
If you're looking for a game that will challenge you, excite you, or do anything other than mildly occupy your eyeballs for a few hours, you might want to look elsewhere. But if you want something to do while you're waiting for paint to dry (and find watching paint dry too intellectually stimulating), Inn Tycoon is here for you.
Score: 7.2/10
We at NLM received a key for this game for free, this however didn't impact our review in any way. Our standards for entertainment, on the other hand, may never recover.