UBISOFT STOCK PLUMMETS FASTER THAN A STORMTROOPER'S AIM AFTER disappointing Star Wars Outlaws RELEASE

Ubisoft's stock just took a nosedive that would make the Death Star's destruction look like a minor setback. All thanks to Star Wars Outlaws, a game that apparently sold about as well as sand on Tatooine.

STAR WARS OUTLAWS: THE FLOP AWAKENS

Investors are running from Ubisoft stock faster than Han Solo ditching a debt collector. The company's shares dropped over 10% in just two days, proving that the Force is definitely not with them right now.

MARKET CAP CRUMBLES LIKE THE GALACTIC EMPIRE

Ubisoft's market cap just slipped under €2 billion in Paris. For those keeping score at home, that's lower than Jar Jar Binks' approval rating. The company's value is now hovering around a 10-year low, which is about as impressive as missing a Wookie at point-blank range.

INVESTORS: "I'VE GOT A BAD FEELING ABOUT THIS"

Wall Street analysts are probably muttering "These aren't the profits we're looking for" as they frantically update their spreadsheets. Turns out, slapping the Star Wars name on a game doesn't automatically print money. Who knew?

UBISOFT'S RESPONSE: PROBABLY "IT'S JUST A FLESH WOUND"

No official word from Ubisoft yet, but we can imagine they're in full damage control mode. Expect a press release full of corporate jargon that essentially translates to "Fuck, fuck, fuck" in any language.

THE BOTTOM LINE

Ubisoft's current situation is about as stable as a Jenga tower in an earthquake. Star Wars Outlaws was supposed to be their new hope, but instead, it's turned into their phantom menace.

Will Ubisoft bounce back? Can they turn this sinking ship around? Or is this the beginning of their empire striking out? Only time will tell. But one thing's for sure - the next board meeting is going to be more tense than a lightsaber duel.