SLIME RANCHER 2 REVIEW: MORE WIGGLY GOODNESS THAN YOU CAN SHAKE A VACPACK AT
Ah, Slime Rancher 2 - the game that answers the age-old question: "What if Jell-O was sentient and fucking adorable?" Monomi Park's sequel to their smash hit is here to once again make you question your life choices as you spend hours cooing over digital goo-balls.
TRIPPING BALLS ON RAINBOW ISLAND
If Slime Rancher 1 was your gateway drug,then strap in, because 2 is pure, uncut slime cocaine. The new Rainbow Island setting is so vibrant it'll make your retinas do the cha-cha. It's like God sneezed while holding a handful of Skittles - beautiful, vast, and more disorienting than trying to piss after a spin class.
SUCK IT UP, BUTTERCUP
The core gameplay's still tighter than a nun's knickers - vacuum those jiggly bastards, feed 'em, and cash in on their colorful crap. But now there's more toys in the toybox than a rich kid's Christmas. New slimes, gadgets, and enough decorations to make your ranch look like Barbie's Dreamhouse on acid.
NEW SLIMES ON THE BLOCK
Cotton slimes bounce around like they're on a coke binge, and angler slimes... well, let's just say fishing got a hell of a lot more interesting when your catch might decide you look tastier than the bait. It's like "Finding Nemo" meets "Alien", and I'm here for it.
EARLY ACCESS? MORE LIKE EARLY EXCESS-IVELY LONG WAIT
Two years in Early Access? Jesus H. Christ on a pogo stick, that's longer than most of my relationships. The lack of automation makes late-game feel like you're juggling flaming chainsaws while reciting the alphabet backwards. And the optimization? Let's just say my PC fans sound like they're trying to achieve liftoff.
DIGITAL CRACK FOR DUMMIES
Despite its flaws, this game is more addictive than bacon-wrapped crack pipes. The charm level is off the fucking charts, the slimes are cuter than a basket of kittens in bow ties, and exploring feels like you're Columbus, if Columbus discovered Candyland instead of America.
THE FINAL COUNTDOWN
Is it worth 30 bucks? If you loved the first game, it's a no-brainer. You'll be throwing your wallet at the screen faster than a stripper can pick up dollar bills. Newbies might want to dip their toes in the original first, but for the rest of us slime-hungry degenerates, Slime Rancher 2 is the fix we've been jonesin' for.
Final Score: 8/10
We at NLM received a key for this game for free, this however didn't impact our review in any way. But let's be real, we'd have bought this shit anyway because we're suckers for cute goo.