SLENDER REBORN REVIEW: WHEN NOSTALGIA MEETS MEDIOCRITY

Ever wondered what would happen if someone remade Slender: The Eight Pages with all the ambition of a sleepwalking sloth? Slender Reborn answers that question with a remake that's about as exciting as watching paint dry in a haunted house.

THE SAME OLD SONG AND DANCE

Stop me if you've heard this one before: collect eight pages while avoiding tall, dark, and faceless. Slender Reborn claims to bring this classic formula into the modern era, but it's more like they dragged it through a basic Unreal Engine tutorial. The "remastered" map feels less like a haunting forest and more like an asset flip's first day out.

AI ABOUT AS ADAPTIVE AS A BRICK

The developer boasts about "advanced AI that adapts to your strategies," but Slender Man's behavior is about as unpredictable as a train on rails. He either follows you in a straight line or teleports around like he's trying to get better cell reception. The only adapting happening here is players adapting to disappointment.

TECHNICAL TERRORS (NOT THE GOOD KIND)

Want to change your mouse sensitivity? Too bad. Prefer to skip the unskippable intro with its AI-generated voiceover that sounds like Siri having an existential crisis? Tough luck. The game's technical issues are scarier than any of its intended frights. At least the frame rate stays solid – probably because there's barely anything happening on screen.

MAP TO NOWHERE

The addition of a map should make the experience more accessible, but somehow manages to make it less interesting instead. Now you can see exactly where Slender is at all times, removing what little tension the game had. It's like playing hide and seek while everyone's wearing GPS trackers.

THE BOTTOM LINE

Slender Reborn feels less like a tribute to a horror classic and more like a homework assignment that was due five minutes ago. Sure, it's cheap, but so is day-old bread, and at least that has a purpose. If you're feeling nostalgic for Slender, you're better off playing the original or literally any other Slender game made in the last decade.

Score: 4/10 - Like watching a jump scare compilation with the volume muted.

We at NLM received a key for this game for free, this however didn't impact our review in any way.