Real Estate Simulator review: Where Dreams of Property ownership Go to Die
Alright, strap in folks, because "Real Estate Simulator" just dropped us into the bustling slums of Nowherespecial, and boy, is it a ride—think "House Flipper" had a budget cut so severe it got demoted to flipping virtual cardboard boxes.
Buy Low, Sell... Also Low?
Here’s the gameplay loop: buy a shack, slap some paint on it, and flip it for a whopping profit of about three and a half dollars. Exciting, right? Wrong. It’s like Groundhog Day but with more debt and less Bill Murray. You've got three properties to play with before you're just twiddling your thumbs, waiting for the virtual paint to dry.
Leveling Up to Nowhere
Oh, you thought leveling up might sprinkle some excitement into your day? Cute. Levelling up unlocks new areas that serve no other purpose than to show you how to use public transportation. Big world, zero exploration. The game’s got barriers thicker than the plot of an action movie.
The NPC problem: Voice Acting by The Monotones
NPCs? Oh, they're there alright—sort of like furniture that occasionally spouts the same three lines, courtesy of what I can only assume is a very limited voice acting budget. Everyone sounds like they're auditioning for the role of "Bored Extra #5".
It's Not You, It's The Game (No, Really, It’s The Game)
Now, I tried, folks. I tried to see the silver lining, but it's tough when you're squinting through a sea of bugs and wondering why the only upgrade your house needs is an ungodly amount of beds. Strategy? Who needs it when you can just throw mattresses everywhere and call it interior design?
A Promising Premise Drowned in Bugs
There's potential; I'll give it that. Somewhere beneath the surface-level gameplay and the joy of discovering a new bug every .5 seconds, there's a game that could have been a contender. But as it stands, "Real Estate Simulator" is about as rewarding as finding a penny on the ground and realizing it's actually just a piece of gum.
The Final Verdict:
4.5/10 - "Real Estate Simulator" serves as a harsh reminder that not all that glitters is gold. Sometimes, it's just a glitchy mess of a game pretending to be a diamond in the rough. Here's hoping the devs put some serious TLC into this bad boy, or it's destined to remain the lemon of the gaming world.
Remember, folks, in the world of virtual real estate, it's buyer beware. And right now, I'd say beware is putting it mildly.
We at NLM received a key for this game for free, this however didn’t impact our review in any way.