MY SUMMER CAR REVIEW: FINLAND'S DEADLIEST HOME VIDEOS
Ever wondered what would happen if IKEA made a car and gave you the instructions in Finnish? My Summer Car answers that question with a resounding "Perkele!" while throwing a wrench at your head and then making you walk 10 kilometers to retrieve it.
THE JANK IS THE POINT
After spending 40+ hours living my best (and frequently last) Finnish life in 1995, I can confidently say this is either the worst great game or the greatest bad game ever made. The graphics look like they were rendered on a Nokia 3310, the physics engine seems powered by vodka, and the UI was apparently designed by a drunk elk. And somehow, that's exactly why it works.
DEATH BY A THOUSAND NUTS (AND BOLTS)
Building your Satsuma (the game's project car) is like assembling IKEA furniture while blindfolded, except the instructions are written in wingdings and every mistake can literally kill you. I spent three hours trying to figure out why my engine wouldn't start, only to discover I'd forgotten to tighten one bolt. The car promptly exploded. 10/10 realism.
The car assembly itself is both the game's greatest achievement and its most sadistic torture device. Every single component needs to be manually installed, from the engine block down to the tiniest screw. It's so detailed that real mechanics have used it to teach engine assembly. Though I'm pretty sure real mechanics don't have to deal with parts randomly clipping through the floor and teleporting to the local dump.
POVERTY WITH EXTRA STEPS
The economy in My Summer Car is about as forgiving as a Finnish winter. Need money? Hope you like manual labor! Between chopping firewood, picking strawberries, pumping septic tanks, and making moonshine (totally legal, I'm sure), you'll experience every terrible summer job imaginable. The genius part is how the game makes these mundane tasks oddly compelling. There's something weirdly satisfying about finally earning enough markka to buy that new carburetor, even if you'll probably break it within five minutes.
THE MANY FLAVORS OF DEATH
My Summer Car has more ways to kill you than a Final Destination movie marathon. Here's a short list from my personal experience:
Forgot to turn off the sauna (house fire)
Answered phone during thunderstorm (electrocution)
Peed on the TV (don't ask)
Got stung by a wasp (apparently I'm allergic)
Crashed into a tree while drunk (shocking)
Forgot to eat (death by sausage deficiency)
Changed a fuse without turning off the master breaker (zap)
Got hit by the local rally driver (instant karma)
The permadeath system completely changes how you play. Suddenly, every trip to the store becomes a strategic mission. Do you take the reliable but slow tractor? The death trap you're building? Or do you thumb a ride with your drunk uncle? Choose wisely, because one wrong decision and it's game over.
VEHICLE MENAGERIE
While the Satsuma is your main project, the game gives you a whole fleet of questionably functional vehicles to play with. There's the:
Van (reliable but boring)
Tractor (slower than continental drift)
Moped (death on two wheels)
Boat (for when you want to drown)
Septic truck (smells like money)
Each vehicle handles like it's actively trying to kill you, which, given Finland's road safety statistics in the '90s, is probably historically accurate.
THE FINLAND SIMULATOR YOU NEVER ASKED FOR
The game's commitment to recreating 1995 rural Finland is both impressive and concerning. You can:
Take proper Finnish sauna sessions
Get drunk at the local pub
Go to church to repent for said drunkenness
Participate in rally races (usually ending in trees)
Make kilju (bootleg wine) in your basement
Experience the joy of paying bills via mail
TECHNICAL ISSUES OR FEATURES?
The game runs about as well as a Satsuma with three missing pistons. Frame rates are more theoretical than actual, physics bugs are frequent, and sometimes things just... happen. But honestly? It adds to the charm. Every glitch feels less like a bug and more like the game going out of its way to make your life harder, which is thematically appropriate.
CONCLUSION
My Summer Car is like dating someone who's terrible for you but makes life interesting. It's frustrating, poorly optimized, and will probably give you anger management issues. It's also one of the most unique and oddly compelling games I've ever played. Nothing else comes close to capturing the specific joy of finally getting your death trap of a car running, only to immediately wrap it around a tree because you forgot to properly tune the carburetor.
For masochists, car enthusiasts, or anyone who's ever wanted to experience rural Finnish life in all its deadly glory, this is your game. For everyone else... maybe start with something easier, like brain surgery or quantum physics.
Score: 8.5/10 - Like getting repeatedly hit with a Finnish wrench, but in a good way. Bonus points for teaching me how to swear in Finnish.