Hero Planter review: When Green Fingers Turn Black
Alright folks, buckle up and get ready for a ride through the undergrowth of ambition, confusion, and downright frustration. I've just spent some quality time with Hero Planter, a game that promises a mix of rogue-lite adventure and farm sim tranquility, all set in the depths of procedurally generated dungeons. It's like someone threw Stardew Valley and Dark Souls into a blender and forgot to put the lid on. Let's dig into this garden of gaming despair.
Green Thumbs Down: The Basics
The premise is enticing: Suit up as the ultimate agricultural avenger, diving into dungeons not to slay dragons, but to grow radishes. Sounds quirky, right? Quirky, yes. Fun? Well, that's where the compost starts to stink. Each dungeon is unique, unpredictable, and – as it turns out – unnecessarily punishing. The idea of battling pests with a watering can in hand might sound like a refreshing twist, but when the controls are as intuitive as a Rubik's Cube for the blind, you're in for a tough time.
Aesthetically Adorable, Practically Problematic
First off, Hero Planter looks cuter than a kitten in a teacup. It's got that charm that could win over hearts in screenshots alone. But like a siren's call, it lures you into a sea of control-related despair. The visuals are the game's Trojan horse, hiding the fact that moving your character feels like piloting a shopping cart with a busted wheel.
Controls: A Lovecraftian Horror
Let's talk about these controls, shall we? They're the digital equivalent of trying to thread a needle while wearing boxing gloves. Jumping with 'Y', interacting with 'L3', and navigating menus feels like you're cracking an enigma code rather than planting petunias. The game's attempt at originality in control scheme lands about as well as a lead balloon. The developers must've been inspired by a dare or lost a bet, because there's no other reasonable explanation.
Tutorial Torture
The tutorial, oh the tutorial. It's supposed to be your gentle introduction, your guiding light. Instead, it's more like being thrown into the deep end of a pool filled with piranhas and being told to swim. It's frustrating, convoluted, and leaves you begging for the sweet release of the 'Quit Game' button.
A Grammar Garden of Nightmares
If navigating the game's mechanics wasn't challenging enough, the in-game text feels like it was translated by someone who's only ever heard English described in a dream. It's riddled with grammatical errors that make deciphering instructions as much fun as a dentist visit.
Final Verdict: Compost, Not Compostable
In theory, Hero Planter had the potential to be a groundbreaking blend of genres. In practice, it's a lesson in frustration, a testament to wasted potential, and a stark reminder that good intentions don't always translate to good gameplay. If you're into masochistic gardening, by all means, give it a whirl. Otherwise, keep your green thumbs far, far away.
Rating: 4/10 - More Pest Than Hero. Hero Planter ends up being a master class in how not to blend genres. The seed of a great idea is there, but without proper care, it's wilted into something forgettable and frustrating. Save your sanity, and maybe just go water some real plants instead. They'll appreciate it more, and so will you.
We at NLM received a key for this game for free, this however didn’t impact our review in any way.