BORDERLANDS CEO'S EPIC FAIL: PITCHFORD'S STOREFRONT DELUSIONS CRUMBLE
Randy Pitchford, Gearbox's resident foot-in-mouth expert, is at it again. The man who once declared Steam might "look like a dying store" in 5-10 years is now eating a heaping plate of crow, admitting in a tweet that his Epic Games Store fantasies were "misplaced or overly optimistic." No shit, Sherlock.
EPIC DREAMS, STEAMY NIGHTMARES
Back in 2019, Pitchford bet the farm on Epic's fledgling storefront, making Borderlands 3 an exclusive. Fast forward to 2024, and guess what? Steam's still king, and Epic's store is about as relevant as a screen door on a submarine.
Pitchford's Twitter thread on the subject reads like a teenager's angsty LiveJournal entry. "But Epic did not [press its advantage]," he whines. Did the lack of a shopping cart not tip you off, Randy? Or were you too busy counting that Fortnite money?
STEAM HATE: THE GIFT THAT KEEPS ON GIVING
But here's where Pitchford really shines. Even after admitting his Epic wet dream was a bust, he still can't help but take potshots at Steam. According to this clown, Steam "does very little to earn the massive cut they take" and maintains an "effective monopoly."
Hey Randy, ever heard of infrastructure? Server costs? Actually having features users want? No? Too busy trying to do magic tricks with Epic's exclusivity cash, perhaps?
THE FUTURE: MORE BULLSHIT ON THE HORIZON
Looking ahead, Pitchford says Gearbox will "continue to support Steam" while hoping Epic "keeps up the fight." It's like watching a guy bet on both horses in a two-horse race, except one horse is actually just a cardboard cutout with "EPIC" scrawled on it in crayon.
Pitchford's grand realization after all this? Gamers care about games, not storefronts. Wow, what a fucking revelation. Next, he'll tell us water is wet and loot boxes aren't "surprise mechanics."
As Borderlands 4 limps onto both Steam and Epic in 2025, let's all take a moment to appreciate Randy Pitchford. Not for his business acumen or industry insights, but for his uncanny ability to be consistently, hilariously wrong about everything.
In the end, Pitchford's epic fail is a reminder that in the game industry, the only thing more reliable than buggy day-one patches is a CEO talking out of his ass. Keep dreaming, Randy. Maybe one day, you'll be as good at predicting industry trends as you are at alienating your fanbase.