Animal Trainer Simulator Review: Horse Girls' Fever Dream Gone Wrong
Ever wanted to experience what it's like to run an animal training center while simultaneously questioning reality itself? Animal Trainer Simulator is here to fulfill that oddly specific fantasy, bringing you all the joys of pet training combined with more bugs than an entomologist's wet dream.
Copy-Paste Chronicles
First things first: if this game's horse models look familiar, that's because they are. Games Incubator has apparently discovered the sacred art of Ctrl+C, Ctrl+V, reusing the same horse assets more times than Hollywood reuses superhero origin stories. At this point, these horses have appeared in more games than Nicolas Cage.
Bugs: The Real Animal Kingdom
The bugs in this game aren't features – they're the main attraction. You haven't lived until you've seen a horse phase through a barn wall like a equine poltergeist, or watched a Dalmatian get stuck in an eternal rolling animation like it's auditioning for Sonic the Hedgehog. It's less "Animal Trainer" and more "Paranormal Activity: Pet Edition."
Training Day(mare)
The actual training mechanics are about as deep as a puddle in the Sahara. You'll spend your time moving your hand to meet the dog's paw, which feels less like you're training the dog and more like the dog is training you. It's the canine equivalent of "who's a good human?"
The Amazing Teleporting Transport System
Transporting animals is an adventure in itself. Sometimes your dog won't leave the car, which is either a bug or a stunning commentary on modern pet anxiety. The horses, meanwhile, treat solid objects as mere suggestions, clipping through walls with the confidence of a YouTuber's apology video.
Interior Decorator: Budget Edition
Want to build the perfect training center? Hope you like the same three items repeated ad nauseam! The customization options have all the variety of a beige paint catalog. You can paint walls, add chairs, and create waiting rooms – you know, all the thrilling features that made you want to play an animal training game in the first place.
Competitive Spirit (Error 404: Competition Not Found)
The game promises the excitement of competitions and championships, but much like my ex's promises of commitment, it's all talk. The "world championship" feels about as prestigious as winning a participation trophy at a backyard dog show.
Quality Assurance? Never Heard of Her
The QA testing for this game apparently consisted of someone opening the executable file, seeing that it launched, and calling it a day. It's like they're speed-running their way through development, except instead of breaking records, they're breaking the game.
Conclusion: A Very Special Kind of Special
Animal Trainer Simulator is like that kid in school who clearly did their homework on the bus ride to class. It's got heart, sure, but it's also got more issues than a magazine subscription service. It's the kind of game that makes you question not just your purchase decisions, but the very nature of reality itself.
Is it playable? Sometimes. Is it enjoyable? That depends entirely on your tolerance for seeing horses become one with the walls. Should you buy it? Only if you're doing research for a paper on how not to make video games.
Score: 3/10.
We at NLM received a key for this game for free, this however didn't impact our review in any way. Our veterinary bills for treating phantom ghost horses, on the other hand...